I don't think that I have EVER laughed this hard reading a thread. Here are some "lessons:"

1. When helping a friend replace his serpentine belt, always make sure his fingers are clear of belt AND pulley before letting go.

2. If you get stopped by a cop on a BS charge in a bitty little town like Sylacauga, Alabama, telling the police officer to let you know if his father ever marries his mother will only make things worse.

3. Playing the old "check my coil wire for a spark" joke on a guy who can beat the crap out of you is never smart (or healthy).

4. Talking dirty to a girl without making sure she's into it beforehand is a good way to earn a knee to the groin...tends to put a damper on the mood.

5. No matter how funny YOU think it may be, your girlfriend will not be amused when you call out another woman's name during the heat of passion.

6. The correct answer to, "Does this skirt make my a$$ look big?" is NOT "Naw baby...your a$$ does that just fine all by itself."