With the long week we have all had, how about a little fun.

We all read the ads, so lets change them to how they really should read.

I will start;

Didn't run when I parked it......

I don't know what I have, but I won't take low-ball offers.

It's a real piece of crap, but I'm hoping you can't read between the lines.

I didn't take it off the trailer, because it'll probably split in half.

Just bought it . drug it out of a pond ( probably should have left it there btw )

Clean it up is buyers problem

Incredibly difficult/impossible restoration.

Will accept out-of-state checks, IOU's, or motorcycles/boats in trade.

Only parts included are the cheap, easy to find ones.

It only needs a little bit of rust repair, body work, paint, glass, interior, tires, brakes and a complete mechanical overhaul. Easy Restoration!

Just needs bodywork and paint = I got a quote and a new paint job will cost 2x more than the car is worth when done that's why it still needs painted.

Has new paint = painted poorly by a cousin or neighbor in exchange for some beer so don't get any closer than 10 feet.

Has no rust = some rust found, but not going to tell you where it's at.

Tires are good = tires look ok, but are actually15 years old and are littered with dry rot cracks once you start looking at them.

Transmission may need work = bring a trailer with a winch.

Engine smokes a little - plan on a total rebuild.

Engine is all original = engine needs rebuilt.

Comes with a rebuilt engine = I cleaned and painted it (only), and the timing chain will jump a tooth the first time you rev it up.

Clean title = I have it here someplace. Give me a few days to find it.

No Title = I'd get one, but there is some shady history on how I got this thing and I'd rather the police not know I have this car.

"No title, but easy to get!" (so, why don't you?)

"NEVER seen rain or snow!" (so, once it came off the line, it didn't sit in a storage lot and it was shipped to the dealer in a sealed container?)

"Only driven to church on Sunday by a little old lady!" (so, if she bought the car new when she was old, and the car is now 50+ yrs old, just how old is that lady?)

Only smells like a dead body. Body was removed.

Engine runs, but needs battery.

Replaced all the easy things like plugs, wires, and cap....but still cannot get it to start.

Engine locked up tight as a drum but should be an easy fix.

Smells like Cat/Rat pizz + interior needs a refresh.

All the hard work is done IE: I had a lot of fun taking it apart and know it's all there (or was).

I carefully bagged tagged and boxed all the parts IE: (10 moves and 2 divorces ago)

The motor was rebuilt by (doesn't matter, he's been dead 15 years)

"that's just yellow primer........." [Used Cars]

Only surface rust....all those holes you see are on the surface.

Motor built for nitrous but never sprayed......

Raced hard and put away wet. Everything is worn out, broken and outdated, unmotivated seller. Make a ridiculous offer I can refuse.

My favorite are just the ones the seller couldn't be bother to take 2 minutes to clean the garbage out of it before they snapped some blurry photos.

🤣🤣🤣

love the opening part of that movie 🤣🤣🤣 gets a little corny towards the end but what a classic

Hate the "Body off resto phrase" on a Mopar.

Also, the no title bit, but can be obtained easily. As mentioned above, then why don't you obtain first. Could probably sell it for more with a good title

Not a quote, but I see idiots here taking pics of their cars at the car wash covered in foam. Worse than useless.

A guy around the Toronto area with a legitimate used car lot used to run these ads "Wrecks of the week"
in the local auto trader.
The gimmick worked as tons of people would check his lot out.
These are just a few of the hundreds of these he ran weekly.