I use a good 4 terminal Ford or intermittent duty Cole Hersee solenoid. The Cole Hersee is much more robust.
The two small studs are hot and ground to engage the solenoid and connect the main studs. Doesn't matter which is which.
There's a few ways to do it. Run the 12v positive from the switch, through the neutral switch, to the solenoid, is one of them.
I prefer the way most OEs do it. Run a single wire from starter switch direct to one of the solenoid studs. Then run a ground wire from the second stud to the neutral switch, and then out to a chassis ground, in effect, switching the ground rather than the hot with the neutral switch.
This will also require a short jumper on the starter from the small stud/spade to the large battery stud, with the main battery cable being the only thing run to the starter..
If you are using the factory Mopar relay, the wire from the neutral switch will go to the terminal usually connected to the transmission switch - marked "G", with the other going from the neutral switch to chassis ground. When the shifter is not in P or N, there should be no ground provided to the G terminal on relay/ground stud on solenoid. The rest of the factory wiring can remain with the factory relay.