It's so cold...
The rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.

Richard Simmons wearing shorts that come nearly to the half-thigh region.

Lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.

You have to break the smoke off your chimney

You have to open the fridge to heat the house

Your false teeth chatter, and they are still in the glass

Police tell a robber to freeze, and he does

Our words froze in midair and we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we hear what we were talking about.

People look forward to getting a fever

Mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears

I'm shivering like a mobster in a tax office.

We had to chisel the dog off a lamp-post

Refrigerators are redundant

Pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils and penguins

Lady Liberty put her torch inside her dress!

Prisoners are begging for the electric chair.

Roosters are rushing into KFC and begging to use the pressure cooker!

A streaker froze in mid-streak! .

I chipped my tooth on my soup.

Dunkin' Donuts is serving coffee on a stick.

We pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.

I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.

I actually saw a gangsta pull his pants up.

I'm drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.

Ice cubes are coming out of my faucet.

Trees are chopping themselves into firewood.

Cops are tazing themselves.

I farted snowflakes

Miley Cyrus had to put her clothes back on.

I saw a greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.

The ice cubes in my drink have goose bumps.