since its Halloween (which also happens to be the purchase date of my Demon (Oct 31 1993)
A zombie says to another "You should have seen the woman i devoured yesterday. I found her corpse washed up on shore. She was just like a pickle!" "What..green?" asks the other..."No," says the first, "a bit sour."
A zombie was walking down the street. He saw two of his zombie friends brutalizing an elderly old woman. Even for him it was difficult to watch. Against his better judgment he decided to help. Together the three of them killed her pretty quickly.
Two vampires walk into a blood bank. One demands a pint of blood and the other just asks for a mug of hot water. "Why don't you want blood?" asks the recpetionist? The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea!"
These two starving zombies are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead bum. He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the bum, tearing the putrid flesh from his limbs. He says to the other zombie, "Hey, I know you're hungry too. Why don't you eat some of this bum?""Hell no!" replies the second zombie, "That hobo's been dead for days, he's all cold, covered in maggots, and rotten. The first zombie says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to feast upon everything - skin, muscle, guts, and brains. A few hours later, the first zombie says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that bum." And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of half-digested rotten bum flesh, guts, and entrails. The second zombie sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talkin'! It's been days since I had a warm meal!"
A little zombie girl asks "Mommy.., do I have my father..s eyes?" and the mother replie..s "Yes! Now eat them before they get cold."
What's the fastest way to someones heart? ... Through the chest with a sharp knife
We all know what zombies like. The like braaaains. But that's just in general. Zombies come from all walks of after-life.
What do zombie laundresses worry about? Staaaaains.
How do zombies get to work? Traaaaaains.
What does the zombie doctor cure? Paaains.
What do zombie poets write? Quatraaaains.
And the zombie songwriter? Refraaains.
What is a zombie's favorite movie?? Shaaaaaaane.
What do vegetarian zombies eat? Graaains.
What do zombies order at Chinese restaurants? Chow Meeeeins.
How do zombies practice birth control? Abstaaaain.
What are these jokes? Inaaaaane.
What is a zombie's favorite pet? Great Daaaaaanes
Why do zombies eat flesh? cuz they're insaaaaaane in the membraaaaaaane
What state do zombies originate from? Maaaaiiiinne
What's a zombie's favorite weather? Raaaain.
Why is a zombie such an optimist? He never complaaaains.
What does a zombie like to wear?
A Braincoat
What's a zombie's favourite film?
Brainspotting
Singin' in the Brain
Eternal Sunshine of the Headshotless Mind
Some Like It Headshot
Q: What do you call a zombie in a tuxedo?
A: Black, White, and Dead all over
Q: What's red, gray, and splashes?
A: A zombie baby in a puddle of brains
Zombie Kid: Ah ahb ga zghaah, mama! Â Arh man, ah bargab ma bagbag!
translation
          I'm off to school, mama!  Oh man, I forgot my backpack!
Zombie Mother: Harr hra ga hannah. Â Hra'b bargab hra hab ab ag hazzang aggabz.
translation
             Here you go, honey.  You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached.
Zombie Kid: Bab mama, ag azznb. Â Zaz hra, ah ahb!
translation
          But mama, it isn't.  Love you, I'm off!
Zombie Mother: Hannah! Â Hra bargab hra... *door shuts* ... nabarmand.
translation
             Honey!  You forgot your... *door shuts* ... nevermind.
Suppose that makes sense... 
