I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for a few years now. After some severe, abusive actions I realized the "friends" I surrounded my self were a major part of my problems. So, last weekend I told them to get lost.

This week has been great! I feel awesome. It's like a tremendous weight has been lifted. I never realized how toxic these "friends" had become. I think it progressed over the years slowly and I just never noticed.

it happens. Probably why I'm not a friends type of guy. I have lots of acquaintance but only a couple friends.

Spouses can be the same way.

I've probably lost more friends than I've made. I'm just that much of a polarizing kinda guy.

Sometimes, you just gotta cut people loose. The last "friend" that I told to pound sand was the kinda guy who LOVED having you over to work on his stuff and help him with his projects. But when the odd time came that *I* needed a hand, oh my goodness... it was like I asked him to loan me his wife, a tub of lube and three condoms. In the 5-6 years I hung out with this guy, he'd maybe been to my place three times, and usually only for 20 minutes.

Many times he'd make plans, so I'd clear my schedule and then he'd bail the morning we were supposed to go do something.

I was near the end of my rope when he started hitting me up for money for coffee and cigarettes. He made double what I did. He used to brag about how much money he made, and now he's hitting me up for money?

The final straw was he bought a car off me. This was a childhood car that my mom had bought new and I was having money troubles, so he figured he'd help me out and fix it up. Because he was my friend I gave him the option to "borrow" a few very valuable parts for the car, under the auspices that should he ever sell the car, I want these parts back. He agreed. (the items were nothing too special: an A-body AM/FM, Motorola under dash 8-track deck and a mint set of wire wheel covers.

Well, fast forward to the point where he comes to the stark realization of what auto restoration costs and he outright gives up on the project. So, I visit him on a Sunday, we talk a bit and I ask if I can buy the car back. He says sure, $500. I told him payday was thursday and I'd see him then with a trailer. So, I round up a friend to go collect, we pull up and my Valiant is nowhere in sight.

Where'd it go? M-F'er SOLD IT on Tuesday to some well known (in our area) mopar scrappers. Not too angered at this point I ask for my radio, tape player and wheel covers back. "Oh, they went with the car. They're gonna fix it up!" An outright lie straight to my face because the ownership papers that I'd signed over to him were still hanging on his wall. If he wasn't former army, I'd have slugged the S.O.B.
Sure 'nuff, I checked Facebook marketplace the next day, and half my parts were for sale. I did get my wheel covers back (they were going to throw them out) but they'd already sold my radio and thrown out the tape deck.

I haven't spoken to that douche since 2016. He was supposed to be my friend. But the way I see it, he not only lied to me but as far as I'm concerned, stole from me as well.

If that's what your friends were like Duffman, you don't need them in your life!

It's expected of "friends" but is way more shocking when family is the problem.

About 10 years ago, I broke contact with a guy that I've known since 1981.
We met in High School and worked at Burger King at the same time. WE had that kind of friendship that ebbed and flowed over the years. Sometimes we'd hang out, other times a month or more would go by without contact. As we both grew older, I got more content with my life while he grew more bitter. He was socially awkward...Rarely dating and as of 2011, had not married, nor had ever been really serious with a woman.
He always had a bad temper and was somewhat racist but after the 2008 recession he started getting worse. He used to start conversations out in a calm tone but would then merge off into tirades against Mexicans, Blacks and Asians as if they all conspired to make his life hell. WE both worked in Construction and here in California, there are a lot of Hispanic workers. He would walk up on a job looking for work and get pissed off when he saw Latinos on the job. He'd call me and complain about it as if I had some magic wand to cure all of his problems.
One day in 2011, as he was ranting about Mexicans, I interrupted him and politely said...."Hey, I understand the frustration but what can I do about it? Do me a favor...Call me whenever you want but lets talk about something else from now on."
He never called again and I haven't even seen him since.
He did me the favor....I'm happier for it, too.

I suspect the biggest issue with "friends", is having unobtainable expectations. That would not be their fault, they are who they are, Best not to have them in the first place, then anguish over getting rid of them later.
If you can't speak honestly and be direct with them, they ain't worth the effort in the first place IMO.
Kinda like I operate on Moparts.

Well one friend, of 30 years, decided about a month ago to let go and brutally criticize almost every aspect of my life. That friendship ended there. Another mutual friend, of 20 years, said he'd stay out of it, but seemed to withdraw from me.

Recently, another friend, of about 10 years, in the same circle decided to demonize me over a minor incident. The same mutual friend that said he'd stay out of the other mix sided with this friend. So I ditched them all, and I'm happier for it.

My happiness is worth more than friendships with toxic people.

I came to realize that when I was going through a tough time they were taking advantage of it by demeaning me in order to feel better about themselves.

I came to this realization with my ex when things went sideways with my Mom's health.

While it didn't happen immediately after the divorce, I have cut off any and all connection with her or her family.

I could say more, but DocFiberglass is gonna have something idiotic to say as usual because I posted.

Ahhhhh SAdDy 7 .... do you need a tissue ?

Most of them are dead.

FRIENDS...... if you have one or two REAL FRIENDS...consider yourself very lucky

i think we all have been in that situation at some time or another. my used to be best friend was using me as an excuse to come to my shop and work on race cars. we were building them at the time. i was working an evening job til 8pm. i would come home, lights on in garage, radio playing, tools out. one day i get a call from his wife wanting to know where he is. i guess over at the junk yard getting some more parts for the dart. no he is not. he is at dave's house. turns out he was hosing dave's wife all along and had filed for divorce, unknown to me. don't have anything to do with him after that. a guy told me how to pick your friends and i have always had that in the back of my mind. he said "pick your friends wisely. a friend is someone that will come over and help you move, no questions asked. a real friend is someone that will come over and help you move a dead body, no questions asked." hahahaha.

Yup.

"a real friend is someone that will come over and help you move a dead body, no questions asked."

i have one friend like that !

Yes and never looked back. People change sometimes better sometimes worse. Plus a sane man in an insane situation will appear to be the one who's insane.

Sounds like a smart move on your part.

I try to ditch them before they become friends.

You could not be more correct

I have been bent over the fender more than once over the years but the last 2 really took full advantage and I do not think the scars will ever heal. One was a very close family member. TOXIC is an understatement. There is also a 3rd but after the previous 2 I had gotten a bit smarter, but I am even more so now. The 3rd was nowhere near as bad, but toxic nonetheless. Amazing it took 67 years to learn the lessons they taught me.
So my advice to you sir, is enjoy your newfound happiness, I am just beginning to realize what my tolerance thinking I was helping them, cost myself and my wife. NO MORE

How about you go join the manatees in the pool.......pretty sure they don't have internet.

Who is that directed at?

The thin skinned attention wh*re, obviously.

SuperDOLT .... as long as we are STRINGING RANDOM words together ....

Moonpie sunrise ocean snow drifts

SAdDy Sack ... so much for you putting me on ignore !

U putz !

Sez Fort Worthless hundred ... listen DOLT ... I offered to stop this before

BUTTTT these TODDLERS continue....

I will not HERE anymore... just on the other one

First, sorry about your anxiety and depression and hope you find ways to get better. Dumping bad relationships can only help!

When I am having doubts about a friendship (especially long-term ones), I ask myself "If I didn't know that person and just met them today, do I think we'd become friends?" If the answer is no, they are gone. Only had to do that 4-5 times. Never regretted it.

Actually I kind of see it the other way around.

We can't choose our family--sometimes people are "stuck" with folks they don't really get along with because they are blood or in-laws.

But we can freely choose our friends--it always surprises me when some people choose to surround themselves with people who are not good for them....

I guess I'm nobody's real friend then as I always ask for payment upfront first.

Shocking is not the word , emotionally painful and scarring is more appropriate IMO. And yes you can choose to write them off, I have with two close blood relatives. Sad but what they did, there's no undoing.

This is so relevant. What they are shaming me for is absolutely insane. If they'd sit back an look at it objectively they'd realize there is absolutely no way I could have caused it. What it comes down is who they value most and I wasn't valued as much as another person.

It doesn't really matter. We've grown apart over the years anyway. These ex-friends have no other hobbies than drinking beer and their life revolves around it. Not surprisingly their rallying around a friend that owns a local brewery, who is actually responsible for the situation because he allowed it to escilate.

Since I ditched them I've stopped drinking during the week and on weekends I have greatly reduced my consumption. Not only do I feel better I've lost a lot of weight. The funny thing is they're the ones telling me I need help. LOL One even told me Sunday not to come back until I can show him I have gotten help. This after I told him I didn't want anything to do with that circle.

One of the reasons I've been happy this past month is that I'm back working in the garage, and in doing so my depression and anxiety have almost completely disappeared. This past weekend I even got to go to a swap meet with my son. Just him and I. It was awesome. Something I wouldn't have done when I was depressed.

None of it's been easy because this has been my primary circle of friends for years. Surprisingly, some friends I haven't had much contact with have stepped up to support me.

They were not your friends but rather using you to approve their choices and lifestyle. If he does it alongside me then it's OK right ???
The friends that have recently reappeared may have distanced themselves because of your drinking and associating with the "losers". Positive people stay away from negative ones as they are toxic.

Positive people stay away from negative ones as they are toxic. twocents


so VERY true !

The didn't really distant themselves, I just was spending so much time with the "losers" that I hadn't kept in touch. When I reached out the stepped up.

The problem with these "losers" is they're very arrogant, maybe even borderline narcissistic. Even after I told them to pound sand one of them had the audacity to demand that I show him I got help before he'd be my friend again. LOL I'm starting to believe this is more about controlling me than being mad about what I supposedly did.

I think this nails it...

Your relationship with these "friends" fulfilled some role they wanted you to play.. And now that you're not playing your "role" anymore, the first childish reaction they have is going to be anger that you messed up their expectations..

Best wishes and Well done you!
- Art

The role I was playing was the whipping boy. Some things in my life weren't going very well and they focused on my problems instead of their own. When I got a new job, and things were starting to fall inline for me, I wasn't beneath them anymore, so the had to focus on a minor situation and escalate it into a larger problem to give them a reason to knock me back down again. It didn't work, I walked away.

My ladyfriend noticed the other day that anyone I call "friend" has been in my life for decades. I'm at the unhappy point where I am outliving a lot of them.

Congrats on dropping some toxic friends!

I had a very close friend in college that started getting into real estate and buying houses (early 2000s), he was making a lot of money, flying to vegas to party with his new real estate buddies, buying $5,000 barbeques, etc. I didn't trust his new friends and we kind of grew apart. Never had a falling out, just different paths in life...then the bubble bursts around 2008. He loses everything, his houses, rentals, even his job after he had a seizure from the stress. I called him up one day to catch up and he told me his story...his 'buddies' left him hanging and even tried to sue him, he had to declare bankruptcy and move into an apartment. He was humbled but he was an honest good dude and thats part of why he lost everything and his shady buddies didn't. We reconnected and he had a similar realization...i am not the cool friend with lots of money and extravagant lifestyle, but I'm really your friend. We (and another mutual college buddy) build a huge deck at his place, with a cool porch roof and suspended outdoor lighting. He bought each of us a surprise case of fancy wines and a few bottles of our favorite bourbon (Wellers!) as a thank you...I feel fortunate to have had some really great friends through the years.

My mopar buddy Larry that helped me build my Roadrunner 'sold' me more parts than I can recall for pennies on the dollar...he is one of the good guys in the hobby.

Good for you nutz...

Where was THAT TYPE of a Larry when you need him ?

Pennies on the dollar ?

The I’m familiar with is a TWO DOLLAR on a dollar guy

You built a deck off the back of a rental apartment???

I fast forwarded a few years there...he has a home again.

That's how I feel. I would, and have, done just about anything to help these guys out and they completely turned on me over a misunderstood situation, and none of them wanted to hear my side of it. I found out the hard way I was more loyal to them then they were to me. Someday they'll wake up and realize what they lost.

Some really great things have come out of this though. I reconnected with an old best friend. Seems he's also had problems with fake friends and he was happy to hear from me again.

My health is so much better. Since I stopped drinking bear during the week I've lost 17lbs. Last Thursday I saw my doc and my mental health is better than ever (monitored every visit), and my health is the best it's been in 5 years. So it's worked out great for me in the end.

[/quote]Some really great things have come out of this though. I reconnected with an old best friend. Seems he's also had problems with fake friends and he was happy to hear from me again.

My health is so much better. Since I stopped drinking bear during the week I've lost 17lbs. Last Thursday I saw my doc and my mental health is better than ever (monitored every visit), and my health is the best it's been in 5 years. So it's worked out great for me in the end. [/quote]

That's awesome news!! Congrats!

If you want to lose friends in a hurry become a State Trooper. They told us in the academy there were friends that wouldn't have anything to do with you once you graduate. I thought they were full of crap, they were actually spot on. I couldn't believe some of my close friends would no longer come around and actually avoid me. Makes me wonder what they were afraid of.

One of my very good friends was a Pa State Trooper and there were times I wanted to choke him out. In Pa our Country Sheriffs were in charge of issuing conciled carry gun permits. His stance was if he pulled you over and had a pistol he would throw it in the Allegheny River. He said sue me if you want.

Life has been great. I still feel better than ever. The only anxiety attack I had was when I asked for some of my stuff back and got attacked for it.

the last few years I've been struggling to find steady employment. Two weeks after disassociating with these losers I had an interview and landed the job of my life. Not only that I had 2 companies and a bidding war over me. My life is looking up, and I've only got one more thing to work out.

Good luck to you! Things are looking up indeed!

For sure.

What's sad is these are all longer term friends that have evolved into monsters. They're absolutely miserable people but they won't recognize it. Instead of dealing with the things that are making them miserable they blamed me for it, which in turn made me miserable. The worst part is, since I was suffering from anxiety attacks, they used the most cruel tactics they could, like stonewalling and gaslighting. There are now a lot of acquaintances that won't talk to me due to the things these "friends" had told them. One even demanded I do certain things in order to remain friends.

They told me I needed help, but just days after disassociation I felt better. It was like a huge weight had been lifted. Now looking back on how things transpired I realize that the only help I needed was getting away from them and that they need real help, not me. If they were real friends they would have been there to support me with the help they told me I needed.

The more time away the more reflection I've done. Realizing what happened and that they have problems has made me feel even better to not be around them.

ain't that the truth

I'm struggling with the same behavior out of my family that drove me away from my friends. For my own health I can't take it from anyone, and my recent experience has shown me that it's never as bad as it seems to walk away, which I may have to do.

I read a quote once that said "People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you." I didn't really understand it until I had to deal with coworkers that were terds. The power of the word "NO" is underrated...and cutting people out of your life that don't treat you with respect or respect you seems difficult until their power over you is gone. Liberating! I'm an easy going person and people mistake my easy going nature and friendly kindness for weakness. I'm not a tough guy, but like you I just cut those type of people out of my life.

First Duff is on me if we ever meet up at a show somewhere.

Based on your description of these bullies, I would not be surprised if they will now find another victim amongst themselves to harass. The new victim might even contact you when he realizes what has happened to him and that the two of you have a similar experience.

Ragnar in Iceland

PS: Due to the positive changes you have made in your life, you might want to change your sig line

Noted and done! I also changed my avatar. The handle I think I need to keep.