i was under the impression that o2 sensors now days are heated ones, and they were all standardized with 4 wires ? well, up to 08 or so anyway. what would the 5th wire do ?

To get your laptop in sync with the ecu you'll selet get from ecu.

"Get from ECU" means "getting" the program that's in the ECU to your laptop. You only would chose "Send to ECU" if you had made changes offline, and then want to upload those changes to the ECU. You won't be doing that.

When you click the “USB Link” and are online (Button will say online), a screen should appear that compares the files in the ECU with the file in your laptop. They will not be the same because the ECU has learned. You want to click the "Get from ECU” button at the bottom of this screen. This will send the ECU program to your laptop.

Does your laptop have a native serial port? I have had similar problems with one of my laptops with an actual serial port. Had to manually configure the usb link/com port protocol. My laptop with usb only has never had that issue.
Was informed on the holley help forums that reloading the software with the holley usb connected seems to fix most com issues.
If you continue to have issues, I suggest completely removing the holley software, and the piggy backed usb/ com software. Then load the newest software and firmware from the holley website (v4).
Reload with the usb connected.

High idle speed... see what the idle motor count is. should be below 15. TPS should be "0" If idle count is lower, say "0" and idle is still high, close the throttle plate with the screw and then do tps reset.
If its higher than 15 there are more things to check. call me if you get stuck.

All the Holley software can be accessed here:
https://www.holley.com/support/resources/#Fuel_Injection

Sounds like your laptop may have a corrupted software installation. You should first save your current global folder somewhere so it won't be touched. Then completely uninstall the Holley software using the "Control Panel", and remove the Holley folder from "My Documents", and the Holley folder on the "C:Drive" (Program Files, Holley folder). Then install from a fresh download.

If you choose to upgrade to V4 you should also read the V4 Overview.

IDLE RPM: As TRENDZ said you have to go through the IAC setup procedure. Sounds like your mechanical throttle screw is holding open the plates. Remember you must do a TPS Autoset whenever you change the mechanical throttle settings.

IAC vs throttle plate position adjustment:

Timing and idle AF must be correct first.
The IAC Position can be found on one of the screens in the data monitor (lower left area). You want the IAC position to be between 5 and 15%. If it is stuck at 0 (the idle RPM is probably above your target idle because too much air is going through the plates), you need to CLOSE the throttle plates until the IAC starts to open (5 to 15%). If the AC position is above 15%, more air than is necessary is being fed through the IAC, so you need to OPEN the throttle plates to adjust.

You must then do TPS Autoset after mechanical throttle changes.

IAC vs throttle plate position adjustment:

Timing and idle AF must be correct first.
The IAC Position can be found on one of the screens in the data monitor (lower left area). You want the IAC position to be between 5 and 15%. If it is stuck at 0 (the idle RPM is probably above your target idle because too much air is going through the plates), you need to CLOSE the throttle plates until the IAC starts to open (5 to 15%). If the AC position is above 15%, more air than is necessary is being fed through the IAC, so you need to OPEN the throttle plates to adjust.

You must then do TPS Autoset after mechanical throttle changes.