Ok serious answer. 10 inch Channel Lock pliers.
Note, I specified brand name.
Channel locks are not wrenches--they are pliers. The guy who had my job before I did apparently did not know the difference, either.
10 years later I am still finding nuts, bolts, and hardware that looks like a dog chewed on them.
Some of the other guys said the whole time he was there, they never saw him use a socket or wrench on anything--he just carried around a set of channel locks and used them for everything....