Veteran Suicide- My Brother

My Brother and I are Combat Veterans. He served in Iraq and Afghanistan. When he came home from Iraq I left. About a year later he went to Afghanistan. He did a year in each theater and was in vehicles that had been blown up in each theater. He had traumatic brain injuries from each of those. He was 100% disabled (PTSD-TBI) and battled alcoholism and a meth addiction. He was supposed to go into a VA Mental Health facility and check in today, the day before Veterans Day.

He had an outstanding warrant from a failure to appear for mental health evaluation. He went to my parents house to borrow $20, he routinely blew through his disability check at the beginning of the month. My parents wouldn't give him the money, knowing he was going to score a hit and party before going into treatment. They went into their bedroom to talk about what to do and he barged in and grabbed my mom's pistol and put it in his mouth.

This was last night, 11/09/2020, and they witnessed everything. It happened so fast. He was still breathing until this morning but he died from "Catastrophic Brain Injury", a day before Veteran's Day.

I too have a TBI and quite a few LOC's (Loss of consciousness). One was more than 30 minutes. I know the toll it takes on you. Memory loss is unreal. Confusion and anger. We will never know what went on in his brain and sadly will not have the option of studying it post mortem.

My parents are in the middle of building a new house next door and I want to just go burn the old family home down. I can't believe this happened in their bedroom. I can believe it happened the way it did. I always thought he would go out from a drunk driving, bad drug deal, or suicide. Our uncle who was an Army Ranger used a shotgun during a family fishing trip. I just never imagined it this way, in front of the parents. I have been there myself with suicidal thoughts but my kids always keep me from going through with it. Such a little thing can drive someone in this state to do the unthinkable. Hell, frustration over my projects, fights with the wife, feeling like everything I touch turns to hell because I can't concentrate long enough to see one task through. My wife and kids are perfect in my eyes and I owe it to them to keep plodding along and getting up every morning.

My Brother had no wife or kids. All he had were a bunch of mistakes to live with. Burnt bridges. Failed relationships. My Mom was the only woman that loved him unconditionally. All his friends were out for his disability check and he knew it. He just couldn't shake that lifestyle. I know how he felt. "I'm a loser." Nobody loves me". "I can't do anything right." The thought is something that worms it's way into your mind and soul. If you don't have someone to pull you back from the edge you're toast. Some people will never swallow pride and ask for help. If that sounds like you, ask for help. If you think there is nobody that loves you go to a church. Go to the VFW. I just don't know what to say. I am a few states away and was never there. Honestly, due to his drug problem and him being violent with my parents a few years ago I didn't want anything to do with him. I wish I had at least had his phone number and called every once in a while. When I first came back from Iraq I leaned on him and he talked me back from the edge. He had a good soul in there somewhere. He was just so tormented and trapped in addiction.

Guys, just watch out for people with TBI's. I'm reminded of football players (Junior Seau), wrestlers, boxers, firefighter, cops, and regular folks that have just taken some bonks on the head. Combat Vets and veterans in general are in the forefront with the sheer numbers, 22 a day, but in my current line of work, as a wildland firefighter, suicide is running rampant. Empathy and compassion can be the thing that helps someone seek the therapy thy need.

Only the dead have seen the end of war. Rest in peace, Kris.

I'm so sorry for your parents, you , everyone involved. So tragic, your words ring true. My thoughts are with you all.

Thank you for the humility and bravery to tell this story. Nobody can know the pain like the one that lives with it.
RIP to your brother, friend. He is at peace now.

X 99 ... some gave all - all gave some.

That's heartbreaking. Please accept my sincere condolences to you and your parents. Your poor parents can't unsee what unfolded before their eyes, and will have to live with that for the rest of their days. So tragic. And you need to take your own advice. Seek help, lean on your friends and family, and of course you and your family need to be there for each other. God bless you all. Be well, and may Kris rest in peace.

This hits hard brother. I am so saddened to hear of this tragedy. May God bless you, your parents and all affected by this tragic loss. May your brother rest in peace.

Man that is so sad. As a parent I can only try and imagine the trauma that your parents are going through. Very sorry for your lost and many thanks for your sacrifice. This country does not take care of it's veterans. Way too many needless suicides.

I’m sorry that your sacrifice to this country has caused you and your family such pain. I think you guys are the forgotten heroes. I pray that God will give you peace and keep focused on your family and they love you have for each other.

I'm sorry for your loss and thank you for your service.

I'm so sorry for you & your family's loss.
Also sad and sorry for the torment he suffered.
We owe our Veterans pretty much everything, and that should start with proper support & counseling when it's time to return to civilian life.
Know that rational folks hold you guys in highest regard for your service.

My wife and I are so sorry to hear of this, and we thank you for your service and pray for your family.

To all the Brave Men and Women that have and are serving, know that the rest of us are forever in your debt for the sacrifices you have made to protect our freedom. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. It sounds like you had lost him long before last night. Know that you are loved, even by those you have never met.

No words...

Sorry for the loss of your brother, and for the tragedy your family has suffered.

OMG, this was so hard to read & hear about. My heart goes out to you & your parents & I hope you all can learn to cope with this tragedy. So sorry for your brother in that he could not beat his demons & may he rest in peace. I really hope there is a wonderful place we all go after struggling through tough times in our lives. All my best to you - never give up.

Oh so sorry for your loss, I’m sure both you and your parents are devastated. Grieve your brother and try to put all the good times you two had together. Get help for yourself and especially your parents. They too now will suffer the affects of post traumatic stress.

so, so, sorry for your loss ! please accept my condolences...........

I am very sorry for your loss and the trauma everyone in your family has endured.

No words can help but your family is in my prayers.

So sad to hear about your Brother. Please get some help for you and your parents.

God bless.

My brother was self medicating. Not a good plan. I have been trying to work with the VA as much as possible. They like to prescribe meds, that’s for sure. This ziplock bag is what I used to be on. I’ve got it down to two meds with the VA now.
I also work with Millennium TBI and Dr. Mark Gordon. I pay about $1000 a quarter out of pocket for that. This is a personal investment to keep my memory, sanity, and family intact. Dr. Mark Gordon is an endocrinologist that works with a lot of Special Forces/ SEAL types. A lot of what happens with TBI’s is hormonal. I do blood work every quarter for him and he adjusts some meds for me. I take DHEA, Vitamin D, Pregnenolone, and some liquids (proprietary blends of CoQ10, vitamin B’s, ...).
The millennium tbi stuff I’m doing helps much more than the VA drugs. I would rather fix hormonal imbalances in my brain than fill my body with Xanax and Sertraline.
If you know of a TBI recipient please have them look into Millennium http://www.tbimedlegal.com/
If you know of a military, police, or firefighter with a TBI they can get a grant for Millennium services through Warrior Angels Foundation. If you want to donate so that grants can be made available https://www.classy.org/fundraiser/701370



Watch http://quietexplosions.com/

So sorry to hear this.

So sorry to hear this - thank you for sharing the story.

I'm so sorry to hear of you and your family's loss.

I took a screenshot of your post with your med information as I know someone who may benefit from this. I just wanted you to know that whatever force brought you here to post this, also brought me here at 4 am (to a site I check once every few months) to stumble across it.

So sorry for your loss but I’m glad you bared your soul here for us. Thank you.

Sadly, it's not just the VA.

My wife is a school nurse. It would sicken you if you knew how many kids were prescribed serious meds for supposed "behavioral" issues these days.
Often at a very young age--as young as kindergarten or first grade.
Often at the recommendation of the teacher or parent.
And almost always boys.

Of course there are some kids that do have serious issues. But in a many cases, it just a kid with a lot of energy that they just want him to be quiet and sit still...

They have no idea what long-term unintended consequences this drug "soup" will have on these young, still developing minds.
I'm concerned the suicide epidemic will get worse before it gets better.

RIP

I hope your parents can handle all the soul searching they likely will endure for having a loaded firearm accessible in such a volatile environment.

This will be a long recovery for everybody.

So tragic, my heartfelt condolences to you and your family.

If you are happy with the meds and supplements , and are managing well that is great.

If not, have you considered the monitored trials of MDMA or Psilocybin ?
May be worth exploring.

MAPS LINK

All the best

Very sorry to hear this.

So very sad and tragic. I wish there was more I could do besides pray for you and your family. Our veterans deserve the best treatments available, it's a real disgrace that our government doesn't do more. May God bless you and your family.

I really don't know what to say without sounding shallow. My heart aches for you & your parents.

There's a guy in my car club who was an "in country" Canadian Paratrooper that I think I need to go spend some time with...... I suffered a severe head injury myself about 10 years ago, which has negatively altered large parts of my personality but nothing like what guys like you, your brother & him deal with daily.

Yeah - I need to reach out to him.

I don't understand what you are getting at. This was not a volatile environment. It was a volatile situation. My brother did not live with my parents. The environment is a comfortable home in the country where a 65 and 66 year old live quietly. There are plenty of reasons to have a loaded firearm in your bedroom. They are folks who do not have the physical strength to defend themselves if someone is trying to break in the house at night. There are plenty of animals that prey on their pets. They have horses and outside cats that coyotes love to harass. There have been meth addicts out in their rural area looking for easy targets to steal from. They live where it can take 15-20-30 minutes for a Sheriff's Deputy to reach their house.

I want to restate that this was/is not a volatile environment. The environment is quiet and peaceful. My brother came over and was in the kitchen and asked for money to score some meth and party one last night before going into a VA Mental Health Facility for at least a week. My parents said no initially. They ended up leaving him and going into their bedroom to discuss what to do. Have him stay there, pray, maybe give in and give him the money. He left the kitchen and barged in to their bedroom and acted swiftly and violently.

Do it. Don't be shy about talking about anything like suicide. Don't tell anyone you think they are going to act but just bring up the subject without making him feel like you're suspicious of his behaviors. Just let him know that IF he ever feels in despair to always, anytime, call. Tell him you love him. Tell him you love him for being willing to lay down his life for your's and others. It will hit him with weight. Believe me.

And for you, a brain injury is a brain injury. A bomb or a car wreck, you're brain takes the hit. If you have brain fog and memory issues it is inflammation. Please look into Millennium. Find an endocrinologist to test your hormones. Inflammation of the brain causes hormone imbalance.

I have considered it. I will have to look more into it. Thank you.

My comment was directed towards the responsible parties of the weapon involved, our opinions/perspectives don't really matter, so ask your parents what they are thinking if you want to be supportive. In a personal tragedy, placing blame is often a common defense/coping mechanism, and sometimes that blame is directed inwards.

I know what you are going through. I lost my brother-in-law to suicide from drug addition. You blame yourself for not trying to help more but it doesn't change anything. Every person fights their own demons. You try to help in every way you can but the person is his own, he will do what he feels and wants. My good buddy lost his brother and brother-in-law both to suicide. All this free help is a bunch of BS. I spent days trying to help my brother-in-law. All I got was the run around, I ended up were I started from. Unless you have good insurance or a big pocket book, you will get no help from anybody, period. I feel sorry for your loss. May God Bless you and your family.

Yep. We all tried so many times. So many trips to drop him off at NA and AA. My parents gave him rides to the VA and he would blow up on them on the way there. So much money was given to him to make rent or payments. He was an expert at using people.

The treatment I am using never would have not worked with him. He couldn't stop using drugs and alcohol. Just couldn't.I wish he could have but we all knew he would do something like this or die in a drug deal gone wrong or something.


Thanks for all the support guys. It means a lot.

Sorry to hear about your brother. I think the best piece of advice I can offer is to remember the good times with your brother and try to move forward but, not forget.

I am so sorry to read this. I too am a Veteran, retired after 26 years of active duty in the Army. While I never suffered a traumatic brain injury, or was ever diagnosed with PTSD, I realize I feel angry a lot and it does affect ones life following service. I have been out almost 4 years, my wife says it is time I seek help. Unfortunately, the VA is little help in these matters. To make matters worse, the quality of care for veterans is sorely lacking. I hope your family comes to realize there really wasn't anything anyone could do. Your brother was struggling and sadly couldn't take it anymore. God only knows what he had to endure besides the PTSD and TBI. I pray for peace for your family and all veterans.
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Its a sad situation with the end result not uncommon. Reading your comments its easy to think how did it get that far to end that way but that is not uncommon either. I fight the VA all the time on my treatment for exposure thats destroyed my lungs, im angry alot because I cant get the air I need. So I try to keep life simple.

My wife I care for has a brain stem issue (stroke) and unlike a TBI she has alot of the same issues but I decided to bone up the other night on TBI-s related to service members and was a bit disappointed at the vague information but also understand the general public would not understand the in depth explanation unless they had a reason to dig deeper.

I read about the honeycomb effect of the TBI-s and thats semi easy to grasp but it seems there are many causes.

I feel vets in general and like me that went in at a young age find it as a way of life only to get out to have to live in a totally different world and ive seen it compared in some ways to ones who went to prison young trying to adapt to a different world upon release.

Clearly I dont have the answers, there is no simple answer or a one size fit all answer for each person. Keeping life as simple as possible and stress free as possible is a obvious benefit.

It just sucks all around, I dont know how else to put it. My biggest mistake was getting out, should of been a lifer. Its just hard to go from living life at 110% and on edge all the time to living in a non structured slack ass society.

If you feel like answering this question feel free to or not. But what do you feel the VA and care system in general could be or should be doing different to better help vets with TBI issues? Clearly the bag of pills to mask things isnt the answer for many.