We have been bombarded with Corona news for weeks. It is everywhere. It's constantly on TV, radio, newspapers, in your email, text messages, social media and yes it is also on Moparts. There is good news(not much), bad news and of coarse fake news. Most of us are staying home as much as possible. Bristol and just about every other track in the country has Postponed all events both drag and oval until at least the middle of April. I would bet it will be a lot longer. The local car cruise in Elizabethton normally starts up first Saturday in April (probably not going to happen).
Instead of more distressing news let's post some Corona Humor here. Let's see some of the funny and/or absurdly stupid stuff you have run across.
As a reminder I'll start with "54% of all statistics are fake".
We're having a Corona party tonight. No one is invited.
No joke on this one but still funny. We bought this house in September and have yet to buy any toilet paper. The guy that owned it had the big jumbo packs stored everywhere. In the garage, shop, bathrooms, linen closets and laundry room.
What did he know that the rest of the world didn't last summer? And is that what killed him?
Not a funny, but the reality. Daughters family entered a contract to buy a house with close by April 30. People can't go look for another house (moving to mid west) and planned to sell everything in an estate sale. I told daughter under circumstance she can rent back enough to pay their rent on house and storage and make payment themselves, insurance would have to be figured out. Also require seller to have entire house sanitized if there is an estate sale there. Oh, about the o.p....
I was being goofy and posted this clip on fb prior to things getting serious.
Something to the effect of "I'd rather get the Jetty Colonna virus" as he sang this I Love Life improv bit while mugging it up with Bob Hope.
For the record, both Jerry and Bob enjoyed their heyday before I came around so I only knew the man and his personality through caricatures in old cartoons. I posted the link (as I thought of his mustache pasted on a corona virus in my mind's eye)...
Someone sent me a text of a video of a guy who was spoofing on the question about who would he rather spend the night with but it was about choosing how he wanted to quarantine himself. I can’t find it on YouTube so I can’t share it unless someone can help. It is hilarious. I share this for now.
I thought it was funny when I found out my dad did this, butt as a lifelong hoarder it was funny that he demanded 36 packages of toilet paper in his official divorce papers (not printed on TP) to witch everyone thought he was just plain stupid, now he's sitting home in his TP fort laughing his butt off as the only one ever smart enough to get the TP in the divorce. I remember he would come to visit and he would be in his full size chevy express van with every available inch of it packed with TP rolls. Funny thing is he lived in TN, I wonder if you moved into one of his old houses
The funniest one I've seen is NSFW, or those who are ultra-sensitive. I'd put the link here, but don't know if I'd get spanked. No nudity or really foul language, but still...
The funniest one I've seen is NSFW, or those who are ultra-sensitive. I'd put the link here, but don't know if I'd get spanked. No nudity or really foul language, but still...
But it's funny.
I assume that's the "Corona Sutra" one yeah, someone will get their panties in a wad for sure...
Not really a joke, rather irony Local health director and sheriff have directives to cite people from out of the area from coming to this resort area to their vacation homes or rentals to escape larger metropolitan areas where they live. Seems the local hospital system cannot support the influx thus anyone not a legal resident of the county effective 3/9/20 has leave or will be cited. In other words don't head to the hills when the apocalypse or zombie invasion occurs.
With apologies to the great Merle Travis who did the original version. A serious topic, but, as of last week, I have a lot of time on my hands.
I went to work Monday Felt bad and I’m chilled to the bone.. A’ coughin’ and a’sneezin’ Boss said that I should go home He said “Man, you got bad news… Coronavirus Blues”
I called the Doc Tuesday But no one would answer the phone A message said “I’m sorry I’m sick so you’re all on your own Got all the trouble I can use Coronavirus Blues”…
Got hungry on Wednesday I hit a big store up the street But all the shelves were empty No toilet paper or bleach Clerk said “Ain’t much left in the way of food Coronavirus Blues”..
The market tanked on Thursday Retirement dropped like a stone Called up my gray haired Mama Hoped she could float me a loan She said “I just come back from a cruise I got, Coronavirus Blues”..
I social distanced on Friday Stayed home and I sat in my chair I looked out my front door window The streets was empty and bare Figured I’d really hit the booze Coronavirus Blues
My head hurt on Saturday Felt like I’d been hit by a truck I had a hard time breathin’ I knew I’d run out of luck There ain’t no ventilator I can use Coronavirus Blues
So Buddy that’s my story Take my advice and stay home Wash your hands don’t you touch things This bug might leave you alone Your life’s the only thing you’ll lose Coronavirus blues…
That is legitimately frustrating... but all it takes is one person traveling through or coming home, then going to work/church/store/whatever, and now it's in your community, and will continue to spread until everyone stays apart.
By the time a test is positive or they end up in the hospital, it's been spreading for a week or two, and now those people are spreading it.
Until we have a vaccine, the best way to fight it is to avoid catching it.
About 1 more day with the witch home from work too and I just may be "locked up" rather than down...
Let me know if you go visit Guitar...I did some research over the w/e with a new toy and some new "grain" I'd like to try out...
The WHAT ? ... that lil sweetheart has some words about YOU !
And that granPa gEeZeR geeTAR ? .... good to see him finally checking in ..... that must have WALKED UP to West Virginny for as long as he was gone ...
i asked the local beer store if they wanted rid of their stock of corona, since everyone was afraid of it. i would haul it away for free. they said all brands were almost out, and the corona was the first to go ! it figures..........
Go to YouTube and paste " A COVID-19 Admonition " into the search. Or "Stay the ____ at home"
Then click on the link of the old bearded geezer with headphones... I can't post the link directly without getting banned again, despite the fact that 98% of you will get a laugh. There are few versions of this out there... but I think the old guy with a little Irish in him does it best
NSFW... language... But since you're probably working at home... who cares.
Go to YouTube and paste " A COVID-19 Admonition " into the search. Or "Stay the ____ at home"
Then click on the link of the old bearded geezer with headphones... I can't post the link directly without getting banned again, despite the fact that 98% of you will get a laugh. There are few versions of this out there... but I think the old guy with a little Irish in him does it best
NSFW... language... But since you're probably working at home... who cares.
Well, start of week three. I am really wishing I was the type of person to have taken office supplies. I am running out of note pads, manila file folders and really need a nice stapler. Our nice stapler is somewhere in the house.
I got 8 kids, 7 of em are boys, the boys and dad get buzzed, my daughter never had a hair cut and mom hasn't in over a year. Can't afford 10 hair stylist jobs.
I guess I missed that.... but the overall point stands... If "I" had posted that link, I'd be on Vac... Just like every other time I was put on vac, only to see others post the same or similar this with no repercussions.
Stu & I actually had a few laughs about it maybe 10yrs back, as I got whacked & he didn't. Said I needed to set up a "Party Garage with lights & hand out free booze too". A boat loaded with Captain Morgan, Absolute & Jameson... just doesn't cut it with the mopar crowd.
after building and working on other guy's rides for a ton of years, i vowed to not getting one until i get my projects running. i might look like rip van winkle, but i should have enough by then to fold up on the top of my head to keep it warm........
I don't know about ya'll but being an essential worker, I'm going to be all screwed up once this is over. I've been leaving 20-30 minutes later for work due to no traffic.
I don't know about ya'll but being an essential worker, I'm going to be all screwed up once this is over. I've been leaving 20-30 minutes later for work due to no traffic.
It will be interesting once this is all said and done to see how many companies continue letting their employees work from home vs. make them come back to the office vs. figure out what they can really automate and just not bring those people back at all.
I don't know about ya'll but being an essential worker, I'm going to be all screwed up once this is over. I've been leaving 20-30 minutes later for work due to no traffic.
It will be interesting once this is all said and done to see how many companies continue letting their employees work from home vs. make them come back to the office vs. figure out what they can really automate and just not bring those people back at all.
My sister-in-law works for Fidelity or Vanguard, and is always going on and on about all the airplane miles she is racking up to use later on vac. I have always told her, that sooner or later that gravy train is going to end... Because it is borderline retarded for companies like those to send one or 2 employee's across the country (Hotel & Meals) for a hand shake & 2hr meeting...then fly back again. I worked for Verizon and we used to do stuff like that as well, be it to a lessor extent. But that crap ended just as soon as the technology advanced to the point where we could hold most meetings on line. By the time I left, our team (working all over the country) hadn't had a Face to Face meeting in 7 yrs. There was nothing we could do in person, that we couldn't do from home while still working with each other.... besides buying each other beers.
Now that the many companies were "forced" to give it a try... many of them are going to see the benefits. Access speeds are now way up, so it's no longer just a voice conference call while looking at the wall. You can actually live stream video, and split screen your presentations. Just as good as face to face... but without the added expense... and GERMS.
Because of that, Airlines are one of the industries that may not recover for a long time. Germ fever & the MAX issue won't help either.
I work with buildings so you pretty much have to do site visits or you'll miss something. Missing something could be no big deal, or it could cost someone thousands.
No matter how many pictures someone sends you it's not the same as you being there in person.
Posted By: Anonymous
Re: Corona Humor thread - 04/01/2002:41 PM
I spent a couple decades working a call center equipment OEM. We pioneered a lot of the technology commonly in use today - intelligent delay ques that will call you back, annoying web chat pop ups, ANI screen pops (rep gets your account screen as your call connects) and virtual call centers where operators standing by can be working from home. In typical corporate genius fashion the managers refused to implement most of that stuff for our own customer service call center. They eventually did the virtual call center thing for the tech supt department and I did that for a while until they decided I was good enough at it that I should move to Chicago and do it from the office.
I wish I was kidding.
Later as the company was going bankrupt the slash and burn president they brought in had a genius economic idea: as the company was the one paying for all those airline tickets he reasoned that the frequent flyer miles belonged to the company. I don't think he got real far with his effort to have the employees turn them over to accounting.
Since I work for a grocery store and they are saying we can NOW wear masks, but are not supplying us with them to work or ANY protective gear or compensation to buy the items for working in hazardous area , I decided to order my own. If anybody can find me men’s size biological/gas mask that looks like something out of a ‘world is ending’ movie so I can wear it to work, please feel free to pm the details.
Since I work for a grocery store and they are saying we can NOW wear masks, but are not supplying us with them to work or ANY protective gear or compensation to buy the items for working in hazardous area , I decided to order my own. If anybody can find me men’s size biological/gas mask that looks like something out of a ‘world is ending’ movie so I can wear it to work, please feel free to pm the details.
Coincidentally enough, I happen to have a steampunk version of a 17th century plague mask around. How would this go over?
I don't know about ya'll but being an essential worker, I'm going to be all screwed up once this is over. I've been leaving 20-30 minutes later for work due to no traffic.
It will be interesting once this is all said and done to see how many companies continue letting their employees work from home vs. make them come back to the office vs. figure out what they can really automate and just not bring those people back at all.
Slippery slope. We're essentially still on the same work hours as we were pre-computers. Back in the 50's you probably had a full day of work at the office, but today? You're done by 10:30 and cruising the internet all day while pretending to look busy. If they figure out that everyone "working" from home is done and at the beach by noon they'll start slashing positions. Flip side, you have a LOT of people that use their job as an escape from the house and family. That guy won't be signing up to work from home!
Since I work for a grocery store and they are saying we can NOW wear masks, but are not supplying us with them to work or ANY protective gear or compensation to buy the items for working in hazardous area , I decided to order my own. If anybody can find me men’s size biological/gas mask that looks like something out of a ‘world is ending’ movie so I can wear it to work, please feel free to pm the details.
Like others I'm whiling away my time. Maybe able to find some tools I need on craigslist I found this ad for what looks to be a fiberglass ladder. After looking at the ad and pic I found myself wanting the rest of the story. i.e. barely used, slight scratches, only tipped once, come-on man there has to be more to the story of this sale. This is a cut and paste of the actual ad Location removed.
So, if you buy something off Craig's list and get a great deal, when you go to the person's house to pick up your new prized possession, exactly how do you pay for it? Does he help you load it up so you can take it home? How are you maintaining that 6' social distance?
Do you and him wear the face mask and rubber gloves during the money exchange? And then of course, you do decontaminate the ladder, your car/truck, and your cloths when you get home, right? The guy your buying that $15 ladder from might be the center of the CV 19 Virous in his town.
I sold something on Marketplace about a week ago and had Corona show up in my driveway. Yeah, the guy was wearing a pair of shorts with the Corona beer logo on them.
We were wearing work gloves, but neither of us had masks on. The cash I handled with my gloves on and later I sprayed it with Lysol.
Before corona, I've had a few people pay me via PayPal even though they were picking up the item. That might be an option even more so now.
Around here there are few confirmed cases, even with that we do our due diligence with any interactions. Shopping and buying are two different things. A ladder, that I'm not buying, could easily be placed in a driveway and cash handed to the owner (or set on ground) then load up your ladder. De contaminate with dilute bleach (or pool chlorine). I surely wouldn't buy any fabric items, nor anything else that could not be washed down. With that, I have scored some very nice washable items at firesale prices. One I met a guy in a large abandoned parking lot, did the money on ground deal, loaded into truck and brought home de con, and presto. I've also had two large items shipped ups ground. Supposed to live a couple days in environment, so ground in (supposedly) sanitized trucks with a bunch of unsanitized items, how good is that? Everything washed up on receipt, no problem. I have more problems with the new warnings about how long it "lives' in the environment. I do not want to get inoculated when I am working in the yard. Stores are particularly worrisome. I feel like wearing a dive mask and put a filter on a snorkel tube and then washing with alcohol when I get out to car. Yet when I take a breath what will I inhale.. Sure I'm exaggerating, or am I, who knows.
years ago, there was a home hair cutting gizmo called a "flow-bee". it was a thing that i think, held a couple of single edge razor blades. you set it to the desired length of hair you wanted, then ran it through your hair like a comb. my one buddy always had short hair, and he would use that to tune up every now and then. don't know if that thing is still made today, or not. like the saying goes : "as seen on TV !"
must have WALKED UP to West Virginny for as long as he was gone ... 
