Had to pull the tank to paint the walls behind the toilet. I put in new tank bolts and seal. I have water dripping from the bolts. Not a lot, but enough to annoy me. I don't want water damage if it gets worse. I installed the metal washer then the rubber washer onto the bolt so the rubber is against the tank, then same on the bowl part so the rubber is against the bowl. It has 3 bolts on it, basically a left, right, and rear. I do not want to over tighten the bolts and crack the tank or bowl. How tight should they be? I read hand tight plus 1/4 turn. Well, hand tight for some is not the same for others. I have the left and rear dripping slightly and the right seems fine. I have paper towels under it to monitor it. Is this one of those weird things where tightening the one bolt will make the others appear looser? I am using a socket and just my index finger to tighten it basically.

I would get new rubber washers and smear them with vaseline or plumber's grease before installing them.

I once hired a nephew to paint a house we had bought. He jammed his hand behind the tank to paint. The next day the basement was flooded.

do not use metal washers in the tank, use only rubber washers, I retired from plumbing work & I guarantee that if you have a metal washer in the tank it will leak, best way to do this use a bolt & rubber washer inside the tank, use a metal washer & nut on the bottom of the tank well tightened, attaché tank to bowl with a metal washer & nut , tightened while applying pressure down on the tank, these do not need to be ungodly tight

so you have to tighten to crush the seal between the bowl and tank.
but not enough to crack the porceline.
if you press down on the tank, how much more give is there to the bowl is what I look for.
that gives you an idea of how much more you can tighten.
I mean don't lean 200 pounds on it, but push down and see how much give you get.

THIS !!!

The bolt heads are large enough to spread the load, no washer needed. The washer goes under the nut.

The old question of how tight is too tight bothered me for years. Finally a local handyman who has been doing this for years pretty much put my fears to bed. He said that virtually all toilets have some sort of ridges on the bowl that the tank sits on. Tighten the bolts until the tank contacts these ridges and give it about 1/4 turn more and you are set.

Also look at the bottom of the bolt head to be sure it does not need to be filed flat.
The tank seals are generally neoprene and seal easily to the porcelain. Any machine or mold marks on the bottom of the bolt head can be the source of leaks.
The latest one I used included 4 neoprene washers one pair inside of tank sealed by by the bolt head with use of a brass washer and nut tightened against the tank before setting tank on bowl. Once assembled like that the tank tank with "studs" then dropped onto the bowl and the second set of neoprene washers installed and held by another brass washer and wing nut. The instructions it said the middle washer and net were not required, thus I left them out and never had tank seal leak (3 toilets done this way
Make sure to clean porcelain and insure other fittings are sealed tight as well It may not be the bolts. I do not use any sealants or grease unless recommended by manufacturer.

Silicone is your friend.

I install toilets all the time in my business. This is the way to do it. Listen to the retired plumber.

Thanks for all the replies. The bolt replacement kit didn't have instructions on it. The seal looked good, so I just got bolts. I decided to get the kit with the bowl/tank seal this time. Figured I didn't want to reuse the rubber washers from the incorrect install. I noticed the package had instructions on it and they matched what was said here. Funny, the bolt set up that came off was not the same as the instructions said. Tank is back on and no leaks. I know it may be a stupid question to some, but I really appreciate the knowledge on the board.

tighten the bolts until they strip or break, then back off 1/2 turn............ [sorry, i couldn't resist]

It's a porcelain toilet, so I think it would be back off 1/4 turn after it cracks.

i forgot about the tank being made of porcelain. my mistake, you are correct sir !