The sad state of youth sports
#2928402
05/30/21 08:31 AM
05/30/21 08:31 AM
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 19,949 Puttin' on the foil in Charles...
not_a_charger
OP
Mr. Big Shot Moparts Moderator
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OP
Mr. Big Shot Moparts Moderator
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Puttin' on the foil in Charles...
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My daughter's U13 team is playing in a tournament this weekend. Statewide tournament, all top travel teams. 1st game, played a previously unbeaten team and were kicking their ass. That team was dirty AF, official is horrible (yelling at coaches, players, spectators). My daughter gets tripped, hits her head. Starts to get up, gets kicked in the ribs. Honestly, both were unintentional, but the kick to the ribs put her back down. Ref stops play. Coach comes out, tends to her. As she gets up and starts to walk off with her coach, the other team (without a signal from the ref) puts the ball in play. My daughter is 15 [censored] feet onto the field at this point, still walking off very slowly. She gets drilled with the ball. I lose my [censored]. Ref blows the whistle, says/does nothing to the other coach or their players, threatens to have me ejected from the premises and arrested. After the game, our coach demands an explanation and the ref says "I never told them to start play, it's not my fault she got hit." Why no card, etc. for the other team's coach for doing it? "He said he heard a whistle." Yeah...the field we were on was 500 feet away from the next nearest field in use at the time, so no way was this a case of a whistle on another field being mistaken for a whistle from our official. Thankfully, my daughter is OK. The father of one of our girls is a doc, checked her for a concussion, no issues. Ribs are bruised/sore, but otherwise OK. She's more pissed about being hit with the ball than anything else. Same ref officiated our next game a few hours later (which we also won), and officiated much differently. Called the game a lot closer, didn't let it get out of hand. Still did a [censored] job, but a differently [censored] job. At least in the 2nd game, he fulfilled his primary responsibility, which is to protect the players. As we walked away with the other team's parents after that game, they commented that he lives in their town, that some of their kids play soccer with his son, and they think he's a [censored] official and a [censored] person, too. I can't [censored] stand these youth sports coaches who enable and encourage dirty play. I also know officiating youth sports is hard, but if you're not going to prevent that kind of play, then don't [censored] officiate youth sports. Miss a call? Ok, that happens. Let the game get out of hand physically? STFU when parents/coaches call you out on it. These parents were ridiculous, too. Cussing us out, calling our girls crybabies, etc. If you go to a youth sporting event, you don't say a [censored] word to players on the other team unless it is to compliment them for a nice play, wish them good luck, congratulate them. Otherwise, not a [censored] word. People like this ruin youth sports. Bunch of frustrated fatties who either never played, or were 3rd string JV as a senior in high school and are trying to get out their frustrations through kids.
Earning every penny of that moderator paycheck.
DBAP
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Re: The sad state of youth sports
[Re: topside]
#2928453
05/30/21 10:57 AM
05/30/21 10:57 AM
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 19,949 Puttin' on the foil in Charles...
not_a_charger
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Mr. Big Shot Moparts Moderator
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Mr. Big Shot Moparts Moderator
Joined: Dec 2007
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Puttin' on the foil in Charles...
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Nah, the league is good, most of the tournaments and officials are good. When you encounter the occasional dirty team, and you happen to get a terrible official for that game is when there are problems. A good official will shut down dirty play very early and emphatically.
Earning every penny of that moderator paycheck.
DBAP
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Re: The sad state of youth sports
[Re: not_a_charger]
#2928463
05/30/21 11:41 AM
05/30/21 11:41 AM
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 6,003 Salem
Grizzly
Moparts Proctologist
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Moparts Proctologist
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 6,003
Salem
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Glad your Daughter is OK!
This has to be Soccer, correct?
Mo' Farts
Moderated by "tbagger".
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Re: The sad state of youth sports
[Re: not_a_charger]
#2928482
05/30/21 12:56 PM
05/30/21 12:56 PM
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 15,894 Central Florida
larrymopar360
Stud Muffin
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Stud Muffin
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 15,894
Central Florida
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Yep it's all the parents fault because they haven't taught their kids and because like you wrote they are trying to vicariously re-live their childhood I guess. It's unbelievable how some of them act at some little league games that I've seen! They act like they are on the same level as the kids; screaming and yelling out of control like spoiled little brats instead of setting the example. Seems like some of the moms are worse than the dads! Unbelievable little brats and I still mean the adults! Allowing for dirty play and bad calls as long as it's for their entitled precious kids instead of encouraging fair play and a good time and as you wrote "nice play"! no matter which team that player is playing for. Most of the time when you have a snarky little brat kid you know you can look to the parents for setting an awful example. I hope you are able to somehow explain to your daughter that no matter what she sees and experiences on the Soccer field this isn't how life should work I'm sure you will.
Facts are stubborn things.
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Re: The sad state of youth sports
[Re: not_a_charger]
#2928489
05/30/21 01:07 PM
05/30/21 01:07 PM
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 2,079 CA
crackedback
top fuel
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top fuel
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 2,079
CA
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First and foremost it should FUN for the kids... the win at any cost mentality is bad. Lots of time permeated from the adults. What are they really playing for at the end of the day? Yes you like to win, but come on now.
Unfortunate and it much worse today than when I played on an elite club team in California a long time ago.
Then the parents that think they know everything and do no wrong. We told really good players, in fact the best player in our area, no thanks when he wanted to join our team. Toxic whiner with parents just as toxic if they didn't like what was going on. Bad team chemistry.
If the ref lets the game get that way sometimes you have to roll in the mud a little. Sucks That ref is garbage for not controlling the rekick when your daughter was going off the field. Bottom line. We got carded for that stuff if we pushed the envelope too many times. At u13, they aren't going to be as bad to control as the older divisions/players. No way should that age group get away with anything on the field.
Last edited by crackedback; 05/30/21 01:32 PM.
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Re: The sad state of youth sports
[Re: crackedback]
#2928491
05/30/21 01:14 PM
05/30/21 01:14 PM
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 15,894 Central Florida
larrymopar360
Stud Muffin
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Stud Muffin
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 15,894
Central Florida
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I played baseball all my life and never remember a parent out of control and only one coach that was overboard. He was a former MLB player and he was all out. I remember him pushing us very hard and in a couple of different practices two players walked off the field and never came back. But other than that never an issue.
Facts are stubborn things.
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Re: The sad state of youth sports
[Re: larrymopar360]
#2928495
05/30/21 01:27 PM
05/30/21 01:27 PM
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 2,079 CA
crackedback
top fuel
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top fuel
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 2,079
CA
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I played baseball all my life and never remember a parent out of control and only one coach that was overboard. He was a former MLB player and he was all out. I remember him pushing us very hard and in a couple of different practices two players walked off the field and never came back. But other than that never an issue. You haven't been to travel tourneys in baseball or soccer lately. I watched it for about 10 years with one of the worst offenders being a relative! There are some real doozies out there.
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Re: The sad state of youth sports
[Re: crackedback]
#2928509
05/30/21 02:18 PM
05/30/21 02:18 PM
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 19,466 north of coder
moparx
"Butt Crack Bob"
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"Butt Crack Bob"
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 19,466
north of coder
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our local newspaper comes out once a week. it has 10 pages in the sports section, and four "news" pages. when growing up, it was always the way jocks [and to some extent, their parents] acted that turned me away from sports. i just didn't want to be, or act, that way. today, it's a thousand times worse, and not getting any better ! [and i still don't have anything to do with sports.......]
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Re: The sad state of youth sports
[Re: not_a_charger]
#2928539
05/30/21 03:43 PM
05/30/21 03:43 PM
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 6,003 Salem
Grizzly
Moparts Proctologist
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Moparts Proctologist
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 6,003
Salem
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Soccer, Perfect: I Assistant Coached U17G and U19G Soccer for 3 years, Head Coached U5Mixed, 7Mixed, 9G, 11G, 13G (two teams), 15G, 17G and, would be doing U19G this year but we have a Miserable Female Dog as President. As a result our organization is shut down because of lack of Volunteers ( "getting woke, going broke"), our new President is a real politically correct piece of work. Everyone else in our District is full speed ahead. I have been serving as District Head Soccer Coach for 2 years, and have 13 total years of Coaching as of now. "I can't [censored] stand these youth sports coaches who enable and encourage dirty play. " I agree with you 110%, and truly wish I was there for your team. I always taught my Girls to know the rules, play clean, respect the Ref and the other Parents. I was asked to be District Head Coach for this reason. We have problems in our District with Coaches, everyone does. Coaching is an art, but many sign up just so they can Boss someone around even if it's Children. The main thing I see in Coaches is this bitter dislike for opponents, a "We are in a war" mentality, and deliberately letting their Players get away with things. This starts right in the practice level by excluding ("weeding out") or roughing up weaker Players and they wind up quitting. It transfers into games. It's completely unacceptable as I work more with the weaker Players and that builds a very powerful team out of completely average Players. We've won League Playdowns 4 times and went on to represent our District with 2nd, 3rd and 4th (twice) in State finals all without yelling, making kids do laps or any of that nonsense you see at practice. I joke around with the Kids, ask them how school is going, what their Dog is up to, etc. While I'm doing this, I make sure they have a ball at their feet. They think We are talking about the weather, but they are actually getting better foot skills. However, You and I are the minority when it comes to disliking dirty coaches. The Parents encourage this and the ones that don't either bandwagon with the rest or quit. It's sad. They want you to be hard on the their kids. For what? We're winning every game and Tournament we go to! We had two undefeated regular seasons. Kids have their whole life of good/bad careers, good/bad friends and unfairness in life to deal with, why punish them in U13 Soccer? Coaching with kindness works: I get 99% practice attendance, and have grown our Female Player base by a significant amount because of it. I always show the Girls sportsmanship by going and talking to the Coach we are about to play. As a result, my Players and our Competition are Friends on social media. Sadly, I have at least two Parents that this friendliness drives them up the wall. They really believe that everyone else is the enemy. I tell my Girls that our Opponents all have to write exams, have a favorite Teacher, and have chores at home to do just like they have to. We're all equal on the Pitch. We have clean matches, and our Competition respects us and they play clean too. I will say this: beating a dirty Coach cleanly and watching them blowing blood vessels in the Technical Area is a real treat. The Kids get a kick out of it and learn a lot too. Playing an un-beaten team and having the score in your favor is a shock to the other team. The Coach does not know what it feels like to lose, They were panicking and he was riding those Kids, it's the usual reaction. The no call was, as you mentioned, unintentional, so no card. This is fine, they are 12 year olds Girls. Intent does not usually show up until U15 or U17. Blame is certainly on the Coach and that Player for restarting without regard for another Players' safety. Number one rule in our Coaches' Course is Player safety is above all. A good Coach would have told that Player to hold off on the indirect kick or throw-in. Your team should have had possession and a free kick anyway because it was Your Team that was fouled, I'm not sure why the other team had possession? It sounds like this Ref can't control a game very well, I'd hate to see Him try to control a bunch of U17 Boys. Sorry for the long-winded response, I have definitely seen what you just saw. All in all, your assessment is bang on and as a District Head Coach I agree with you completely. I get a clear picture of what happened out there. With 2 wins you should be in medals today, so best of luck! I mainly hope your Daughter gets to be a part of that and is back on the Pitch healthy.
Mo' Farts
Moderated by "tbagger".
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Re: The sad state of youth sports
[Re: Grizzly]
#2928568
05/30/21 04:59 PM
05/30/21 04:59 PM
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,408 Central Pa
moparjim79
pro stock
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pro stock
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,408
Central Pa
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Soccer, Perfect: I Assistant Coached U17G and U19G Soccer for 3 years, Head Coached U5Mixed, 7Mixed, 9G, 11G, 13G (two teams), 15G, 17G and, would be doing U19G this year but we have a Miserable Female Dog as President. As a result our organization is shut down because of lack of Volunteers ( "getting woke, going broke"), our new President is a real politically correct piece of work. Everyone else in our District is full speed ahead. I have been serving as District Head Soccer Coach for 2 years, and have 13 total years of Coaching as of now. "I can't [censored] stand these youth sports coaches who enable and encourage dirty play. " I agree with you 110%, and truly wish I was there for your team. I always taught my Girls to know the rules, play clean, respect the Ref and the other Parents. I was asked to be District Head Coach for this reason. We have problems in our District with Coaches, everyone does. Coaching is an art, but many sign up just so they can Boss someone around even if it's Children. The main thing I see in Coaches is this bitter dislike for opponents, a "We are in a war" mentality, and deliberately letting their Players get away with things. This starts right in the practice level by excluding ("weeding out") or roughing up weaker Players and they wind up quitting. It transfers into games. It's completely unacceptable as I work more with the weaker Players and that builds a very powerful team out of completely average Players. We've won League Playdowns 4 times and went on to represent our District with 2nd, 3rd and 4th (twice) in State finals all without yelling, making kids do laps or any of that nonsense you see at practice. I joke around with the Kids, ask them how school is going, what their Dog is up to, etc. While I'm doing this, I make sure they have a ball at their feet. They think We are talking about the weather, but they are actually getting better foot skills. However, You and I are the minority when it comes to disliking dirty coaches. The Parents encourage this and the ones that don't either bandwagon with the rest or quit. It's sad. They want you to be hard on the their kids. For what? We're winning every game and Tournament we go to! We had two undefeated regular seasons. Kids have their whole life of good/bad careers, good/bad friends and unfairness in life to deal with, why punish them in U13 Soccer? Coaching with kindness works: I get 99% practice attendance, and have grown our Female Player base by a significant amount because of it. I always show the Girls sportsmanship by going and talking to the Coach we are about to play. As a result, my Players and our Competition are Friends on social media. Sadly, I have at least two Parents that this friendliness drives them up the wall. They really believe that everyone else is the enemy. I tell my Girls that our Opponents all have to write exams, have a favorite Teacher, and have chores at home to do just like they have to. We're all equal on the Pitch. We have clean matches, and our Competition respects us and they play clean too. I will say this: beating a dirty Coach cleanly and watching them blowing blood vessels in the Technical Area is a real treat. The Kids get a kick out of it and learn a lot too. Playing an un-beaten team and having the score in your favor is a shock to the other team. The Coach does not know what it feels like to lose, They were panicking and he was riding those Kids, it's the usual reaction. The no call was, as you mentioned, unintentional, so no card. This is fine, they are 12 year olds Girls. Intent does not usually show up until U15 or U17. Blame is certainly on the Coach and that Player for restarting without regard for another Players' safety. Number one rule in our Coaches' Course is Player safety is above all. A good Coach would have told that Player to hold off on the indirect kick or throw-in. Your team should have had possession and a free kick anyway because it was Your Team that was fouled, I'm not sure why the other team had possession? It sounds like this Ref can't control a game very well, I'd hate to see Him try to control a bunch of U17 Boys. Sorry for the long-winded response, I have definitely seen what you just saw. All in all, your assessment is bang on and as a District Head Coach I agree with you completely. I get a clear picture of what happened out there. With 2 wins you should be in medals today, so best of luck! I mainly hope your Daughter gets to be a part of that and is back on the Pitch healthy. I'm sure you don't give a crap, but - 1- don't apologize for this kind of long winded response 2- I like what you wrote and appreciate the fact you gave some insight beyond just " a parent of a youth sports player". Good for you for finding the time to volunteer, I think it's awesome. My wife and I were talking about this the other day. Sadly, my sons coach was found unresponsive at home on Tuesday afternoon, after he failed to show for practices and a private lesson. He was a lifelong volunteer. My son is 14, and this all around incredible human being was his coach for 10 years. We miss him dearly, huge shoes to fill, and we hope whomever gets this position shares similar values as our former coach and yourself sir.....
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Re: The sad state of youth sports
[Re: Jim_Lusk]
#2928651
05/30/21 08:20 PM
05/30/21 08:20 PM
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,267 Connecticut
1972CudaV21
master
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master
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,267
Connecticut
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As a kid (40 plus years ago), I don’t remember any drama like this happening when playing sports.
China is the enemy.
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Re: The sad state of youth sports
[Re: Grizzly]
#2928668
05/30/21 08:46 PM
05/30/21 08:46 PM
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 19,949 Puttin' on the foil in Charles...
not_a_charger
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Mr. Big Shot Moparts Moderator
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Mr. Big Shot Moparts Moderator
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Puttin' on the foil in Charles...
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Grizzly, yery insightful. Thank you very much. Moparjim, I'm sorry for the loss of your son's coach. A great coach is an important figure in a young player's life. We ended up in the finals, lost 3-2 on a penalty kick after a handball was called in the box with about 30 seconds left. Officiating today was excellent all around, not a peep from players, coaches, or spectators from any teams we played, or from us. We beat 2 unbeaten teams and 2 one-loss teams, lost to an unbeaten team in the finals. For the spring outdoor season (which begins in late March), the combined records of the 5 teams we played in this tournament was 59-2. These kids are good, with many of them good enough to play high school varsity soccer even though they are 12-13 years old. We had a fun weekend in spite of the problems in the first game. My daughter's ribs are really sore, but doc checked her again and saw no signs of a concussion, and she hasn't had any symptoms. We've got our last regular season game on Wednesday, and then the kids are off until the 1st week of August, when fall outdoor season starts. Many of them will play all summer in soccer camp and for club teams as well, including my daughter.
Earning every penny of that moderator paycheck.
DBAP
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Re: The sad state of youth sports
[Re: not_a_charger]
#2928707
05/30/21 10:09 PM
05/30/21 10:09 PM
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,771 Star Idaho
67vertman
master
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master
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,771
Star Idaho
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Welcome to the world of competitive youth sports....and what I mean be competitive, are the parents!
I coached girls softball for many years, and the abuse of the girls by their parents was something else, and also on us coaches. I have had parents threaten me, cuss me out in front of the kids, and one even attacked a umpire! I have had parents tell me when, where and how much I should play their child. In 12 and under, I had a pitcher who was the best in the league, her dad would sit in the bleachers behind home plate and critique each pitch, after she walked "a" batter, her father pulled her out of the dugout and yelled at her, I had to walk over and tell him to please return her to the dugout so she could play the next inning she was so upset she couldn't pitch and a had to pull her. The next game she was a no show, her dad showed up though and told me "you are going to lose this game" all because he was mad at what I did, and said if I ever pulled his daughter from a game he would pull her out of the league. So the final game of the season, i let her pitch to one batter and pulled her to play second base and put her sister, who had never pitched in.
My Monster are real!
Living within your means makes life pretty easy.
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Re: The sad state of youth sports
[Re: 1972CudaV21]
#2928752
05/31/21 03:12 AM
05/31/21 03:12 AM
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 27,468 So Cal
autoxcuda
Too Many Posts
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Too Many Posts
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 27,468
So Cal
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As a kid (40 plus years ago), I don’t remember any drama like this happening when playing sports. Same here. I think the weakening of local leagues and big business of “travel ball” has made things worse. Not sure who’s the chicken or the egg between those two. The local leagues like AYSO soccer evolved into a “everybody gets a trophy” approach and other sports followed. Travel ball is much different. The “travel ball” industry is just that, an industry and big business fed by hopes and dreams. And the million dollar business of “travel ball” leagues took off in the last 40 years. In the 80’s travel leagues were scarce, small, and grassroots. I know someone my same age that was a collage girls softball all-American. This girls softball travel club/business in the 80’s had a few teams. Same business is now is a multi-million dollar empire. Parents spending $80-100K in fees, travel expenses, “showcases”, private coaches throughout a childhood. All in the hope of their kids getting collage scholarships.
Last edited by autoxcuda; 05/31/21 03:23 AM.
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Re: The sad state of youth sports
[Re: autoxcuda]
#2928758
05/31/21 05:55 AM
05/31/21 05:55 AM
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 19,949 Puttin' on the foil in Charles...
not_a_charger
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Mr. Big Shot Moparts Moderator
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Mr. Big Shot Moparts Moderator
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Puttin' on the foil in Charles...
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My daughter plays on 2 teams, a travel team and a club team. For those not familiar with these, here's a brief summary:
Travel - team is made of of kids from the same community/school district, but a higher level of skill/competition than your basic youth/rec league, sometimes much higher. The top level Travel teams (like ours) are competitive with good Club teams. You can have players from outside of your community on your team, but the # of these "guest" players is limited. Coaches are from the community and are volunteers, lots of parent volunteers. We're fortunate that our travel team coach is a former college All American soccer player. Usually use facilities in the community, such as a soccer field at the local rec center.
Club - team is made up of kids from anywhere. Usually requires a tryout. Top level Club teams are typically better than top level Travel teams. High level of skill/competition, in large part because you can draw kids from all over, and because of the coaching/facilites. Professional coaches, paid staff, paid positions for parents as team managers, etc. though there are parent volunteers as well. Most clubs own very nice indoor facilities. Ours has a full size soccer field inside, which is 115 yards long x 74 yards wide, and there is room to spare inside of the building.
Travel is not cheap, but Club is more expensive. My daughter plays year-round with Club, and almost year-round with Travel. She enjoys them both. We enjoy Travel more because we know all of the kids and all of the parents. One of the nice things about her Club team is that 8 of the 18 players (including her) are also on the Travel team, which is an unusually high number of kids from the same community to be on a Club team. Once they get to high school, that will have to change, as Ohio High School Athletic Association only allows 5 players from the same high school team to play on the same Club team. We probably spend about $6k/year on soccer, between what we pay for the teams, plus buying shoes/equipment, cost of traveling, team parties, etc. It's worth every penny to us. It's helped her confidence, her fitness, her work ethic, and she's made a great group of friends.
Earning every penny of that moderator paycheck.
DBAP
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Re: The sad state of youth sports
[Re: not_a_charger]
#2928816
05/31/21 10:29 AM
05/31/21 10:29 AM
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 6,003 Salem
Grizzly
Moparts Proctologist
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Moparts Proctologist
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 6,003
Salem
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Glad your weekend ended well.
Good to hear your dedication to the Travel and Club organizations for your Daughter, keep it up.
Mo' Farts
Moderated by "tbagger".
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