Don't try to fire off .22 shells by pounding on them with a rock.....

1. Braided SS fuel line makes an excellent conductor. Especially for a trans dipstick that falls off the inner fender, against the hot post on the alternator with the tip touching the fuel line (which is full of fuel).
2. Jacking up one side of the car with the axles out will result in a $*%^& mess of hypoid oil on the floor.
3. Leaving a valve cover breather on the top of a '68 Fury air cleaner and slamming the hood will put a nice dimple in said hood.
4. Compressing a Caravan front strut with a cheap strut compressor will result in the strut firing itself around the garage.
5. Using a cheap tow rope to tow the race car to tech at the Brainerd musclecar shootout will result in much embassament, early.
6. Drilling a hole in the side rail of your trailer and installing a long self-tapping screw to secure the wiring may somehow be the reason the loading ramp cannot be removed.
7. Driving your Dart with the remote starter switch still attached may be a reason for the plastic end of the remote starter taking on the round shape of a header pipe.
8. Leaving a large box of nightcrawlers (with no top) on the floor of your air conditioned motel room to keep them cool is a bad idea.
9. Jumping out of a car at 30 mph because 007 and Arnold have done it is a bad idea.
...don't ask me how I know...

when running out of hands don't use your forehead to hold the arm of the drill press.

alumminum is the same color no matter what temperature it is

1951 Chevy Trucks make better floatation devices than Volkswagen Beetles...

Don't try to throw a M-80 out the window while driving, and then figuring out the window was closed because you were under the influence of something.....and the M-80 bouces between the seats and goes off......

Better between the seats then between your legs

Ever heard a railroad flare go off? In case you don't know, a railroad flare is basically a blasting cap modified to strap to a rail. The train runs over it, and the expolsion alerts the engineer to trouble ahead.

A friend's father worked for Chessie Systems, so he got a bunch and we strapped them down to the tracks and threw bricks at them to set them off. I remember feeling the percussive wave go by my head, and I couldn't hear for a while after.

Continually spraying starting fluid into a carb while the distributer is 180 degrees off will cause a backfire and blow the ends off of your brand new mufflers and shoot them across the street and cause the mufflers to end up looking like round coffee cans instead of the oval shape they started with.

No wonder turkey-vultures, and Calif. condors are rare anymore. [and I don't mean the un-cooked type of rare!]

1. That when you are 19 and fearless you and your best buddy can't drive from Salt Lake City Utah to Spokane Washington in a rusted out 270K plus original mile baby blue 1964 Belvedere 4 door with a front end that is completely worn out AND has broken off outer tie rod end!.............But you might get as close as 50 miles from your destination if you try, (of couse a few spare coat hangers applied got it the rest of the way there).

2. That pushing a breaker bar away from you while trying to change the Spindles on a 68 Barracuda front end is the wrong dirrection to be applying all of your power and body weight will quickly prove that the steel fender opening edge is harder than your upper lip OR your two front teeth!

3. How to accomplish changing out a rusted 440 engine block freeze plug in a 66 Plymouth Belevedere convertible, the one behind the drivers side motor mount.......With nothing but a screw jack, a small hammer, a pair of vise grips, and a large flat blade screw driver.........Oh yeah, on the freeway at night in the middle of nowhere Yucca Arizona at midnight.....IN THE RAIN!

4. How to stop a 74 Duster when you see the School bus in front of you stopped at the stop sign, you are about 100 feet away from it doing 45, push the brake pedal and NOTHING happens! (Thank you nice lady for planting that nice soft bushy hedge row in front of your house on the side of the road)

5. How It feels when........You are 12 years old working on your grandfathers Rice farm digging mud and crap out of clogged ditches to improve water flow to the rice. When...
you are sent to clean out a clogged culvert that is at the end of a ditch that is about 10 foot wide and that SHOUD BE about 4-5 feet deep, the water is chocholate brown and full of mud, zero visability, as you cautiously wade into the water and find it to be only about 1 foot deep?????? Suddenly something gives under your feet and you drop down to your neck in water.....only to find that you are now completely engulfed buy a dead cow!

That my friends is one YOU DON'T want to experience!

6. What eating a live scorpion feels like because you were drunk and took the dare. (yes, REALLY!)

At least slugs don't "bite"! Or sting.

They just tickle.

...but, don't forget to latch down the trailer after you hitch it to the ball. If you remember to put the safety chains on, I hear that the trailer can act like a battering ram when you freak out and slam on the brakes after it bounces off the ball going down the highway. That will surely wake your ass up.

Don't ask me how I know...

1. Never load a trailer with a heavy vehicle on a hill... as the front of the trailer lifts the rear of the tow vehicle, it will lose traction and roll downhill at will. Stopping the several ton train can be a challenge.

2. Go-carts can make good sized holes in a steel garage door.

3. Never check to see if the tongue of a trailer is all the way down on the ball with your finger...it's a great way to nearly shear off your finger tip when it drops down at the same time.

4. Pulling a harmonic balancer with the puller catching on the water pump pulley can make the pump shaft break and send the pulley flying at supersonic speeds into your front teeth.

5. Laying naked on your bed when your wife's girlfriend is staying over for the weekend can be embarrassing.

6. A slide hammer should never be used in a position that might enable it to crush one's Daddy parts as the weight is slammed.

7. Always be sure the pin holding your receiver hitch in is secure; loosing this pin will make it difficult to prevent your car trailer from breaking the safety chains and controlling the trailer from racing across 3 lanes of traffic and ending up in the other ditch.

8. Be sure the distributor cap retaining tangs are well crimped; a loose tang will fall into the engine and require hours to find.

9. A 250# Modine heater should be well tied down when transporting it on a freeway in the back of a pickup truck; a small gust of wind will easily topple it off the truck and onto the road.

10. Wasps will build nests in strange places. Even in a intake hood for an air supply respirator. (Groundup bees are bad for pumps!)

Rick
This an awesome thread! LMAO